2018 Issue

67 Personal Confidence Struggles The second confidence question was two-fold: When have you struggled most in your life with confidence? What would have helped you gain confidence through these experiences? When have you struggled most in life with confidence? Six primary themes emerged during data analysis: 1. Growing Up. Over half of the survey participants said that they had their greatest struggles with confidence between 6th and 12th grades. Factors that most negatively affected confidence included unstable or unsafe homes, dysfunctional families (i.e., abuse and neglect), poor relationship with parents, parents who expected “pointless perfectionism,” sibling rivalry, not being able to be involved in activities, being teased and judged at school, not feeling like their ideas or thoughts mattered, and changes such as family moves or divorce of parents. 2. Motherhood. The next most common response was that motherhood had decreased confidence levels. As one respondent said, “Motherhood has been the biggest blow to my self-confidence.” There is great pressure to compare oneself to others who seem “per- fect” and who appear to always be happy. 3. Failure. Failure was a major confidence killer for many women. They had ruminated over failures and mis- takes for years and still struggle. They did not know that failure could actually be a positive thing and that learning from failure could provide powerful growth opportunities. 4. Body Image and Appearance. Many women struggled with being overweight and/or feeling they were not beautiful. Others felt that they needed to look perfect, and since this was never possible, their “confidence took a beating.” Other things mentioned were hor- monal and physical changes, eating disorders, and depression and anxiety. 5. Mixed Messages. Participants also said that the mixed messages that women in Utah receive are hard on women’s confidence. For example, one individual said, “We are told ‘We need your voices. They need to be heard in your homes, in your neighborhoods, in your ward councils, and in your communities.’ But then we get the feeling that we should not speak too loud, too often, or about the wrong topic.’” 6. Workplace Challenges. We often feel “less than” or devalued in the workplace, which is hard on our confidence. Women are not as vocal, only apply for a promotion if they are fully qualified, struggle moving up the career ladder, feel frustrated with those who undermine them, and have to deal with both con- scious and unconscious biases. The second part of this question was as follows: “What would have helped you gain confidence through these experiences?” The most frequent responses can be grouped into the following three categories: 1. Influential Individuals. More positive influences would have helped (e.g., women leaders, parents, family members, employers, co-workers, teachers, neigh- bors, and friends). 2. Training and Development. More education is needed earlier in life about confidence and leadership. It is im- portant to remind ourselves of our previous successes. We need to be told (and to remember throughout life) that we can do hard things and that mistakes and fail- ures are actually important learning opportunities. 3. Other. Respondents also mentioned the following actions that helped their confidence grow through the years: e.g., practicing mindfulness, having self-com- passion; gaining a knowledge of self-care; learning more effective ways to communicate; feeling a sense of belonging; having a confidence-building hobby; learning to do hard things and seeing improvements; and gaining the trust and respect of others. Proposed Solutions Responses from the final question, “What can we do to help more girls and women in Utah have more confidence and become leaders?” were gathered from all three data collection sources (i.e., LinkedIn, table dialogues, and on- line survey). LinkedIn The LinkedIn responses to this question can be sorted into five solution areas. 1. Educate girls, young women, and parents more proac- tively on confidence, life options, and the importance of college and careers. 2. Work to help more women graduate from college (e.g., scholarships, grants, lower tuition costs, mentoring, and other programs). 3. Educate employers about these issues, including the importance of hiring women, offering flexible work ar- rangements, and valuing their various life experiences. 4. Train more mentors, provide more training and devel- opment opportunities, and help make people aware of these programs. 5. Work together to help make a difference and continue the conversations more extensively. Survey and Table Dialogue Data Six primary themes emerged from the qualitative data gathered from the combined survey and dialogue table notes. There is interesting overlap between these data and those listed above. First, the most frequently mentioned solution is to help more women in Utah to attend and com- plete college. People discussed the importance of educat- ing women in every stage of life and how education cre- ates both paid and unpaid opportunities and confidence.